guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
