I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
