Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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