i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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