you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I smell stomach acid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
