Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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