my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
