We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
