I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't motorboat a personality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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