Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I will be naked everywhere
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
