Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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