I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
