No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
