I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
