You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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