Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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