I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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