If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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