Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
