its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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