i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
