I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
