Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
