If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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