After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
