I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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