im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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