how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
