i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
