I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
