only you would photoshop your dick
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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