I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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