you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
