last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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