ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
