Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
