I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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