It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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