are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
