The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
