Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
