I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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