some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
