How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
