if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your dad touched me again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
