four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
