wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
