Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
