Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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