If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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