weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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