dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
